Drew Barrymore is trying to learn how to embrace death rather than fear it.
The Golden Globe-winning actress became visibly emotional as she opened up about her “crippling” fear of dying during a conversation with Brad Falchuk on Tuesday’s episode of her talk show. Falchuk is the host of the Netflix series Famous Last Words, which records interviews with notable figures that are not released until after their death.
“My death is a very, very scary, infinite black void,” Barrymore began. “And there’s no way I’m looking forward to that.”
Still, the daytime talk show host explained that she started trying to shift her perspective on it roughly two years ago. “I was walking at a friend’s wedding and I thought, ‘Why is my death a big, black infinite room? Why is it such an undesirable, dark place? I’m not a dark person,’” she said. “What if I change that room into a room of the brightest lights, and cosmos, and infinite beauty that’s so breathtaking I can’t even begin to imagine it?”
The Drew Barrymore Show
She continued, “I’ve been on this earth with so much fear — and it’s crippling me — about a subject and an entity that we will all meet eventually. So why am I living like this?”
Barrymore went on to ask Falchuk how Famous Last Words helps “take the fear out” of death for its subjects.
“It’s okay to tell somebody in the conversation, ‘Okay, you’re dead,’” he said. “And that’s not something to be afraid of, because, as you said, it’s something we’re all gonna do. Everyone who’s ever lived on this planet, who ever will, is definitely gonna die. The moment of death is something we all do. It’s easy, really.”
The 50 First Dates actress went on to note that she hopes she can make her transition easier by greeting death “with peace and a gratitude for the life I’ve had” instead of carrying pain, fear, or regret.
“I want to be meeting it with a ‘I knew I would meet you someday and I’ve looked forward to it,’” she said. “Not in a way that I wanted it a day or a minute sooner than it was coming, but that I’m not meeting you not okay with meeting you, because you’re coming no matter what.”
Barrymore added that watching Jane Goodall’s episode — which was made available two days after her death at 91 in October — was also a great reminder to her that she never wants to become “a selfish, indulgent person” in her life.
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“I think the only reason I don’t want to leave this earth is because of my kids,” Barrymore said, her voice warbling as her eyes began to well with tears. “They’ve raised the stakes. My life was, like, Meh! Cool! Whatever! And then they came along and now I’m afraid of death. Now I don’t want to leave them, even though at one point I’m going to have to anyway.”
Barrymore is mom to two daughters — Olive, 13, and Frankie, 11 — whom she shares with her ex-husband Will Kopelman. Turning to Falchuk, she asked, “How do I make peace with that and be the fierce warrior for them in their journey?”
The Drew Barrymore Show
The television producer replied that the best way to handle it is to not “personalize” it. “At some point, you’re gonna die and the people that care that you died are gonna have a hard time with it,” Falchuk said. “At some point, they’re gonna die too and anyone that cared — anyone that’s personally affected by you dying — will be gone. This is how it is. This is what happens. And that’s okay, that’s for everybody who’s ever lived.”
Instead, he stressed that it was much more important to live your life in a way that you’d be proud of in the end. “How am I interacting with these people? How am I loving them? What am I caring about? What bothers me? The process of your life is all that matters,” Falchuk said. “All you have is this moment here to live your life and to love and to care and to look after people and do all of these things.”
He also encouraged Barrymore to make friends with death rather than fear it. “When you’re aware of it, it’s really easy to be present,” he said. “It’s really easy to say, ‘I’m coming with you eventually. So, until I get to you, I want to be right here.’”
His message really struck Barrymore. “You just said something that will change my life forever and go in the butterfly net that I’m trying to collect to make peace with death: to be friends with it,” she said. “I’ve never heard that before. That’s brilliant.”
Prior to their interview, Barrymore explained that she personally invited Falchuk to The Drew Barrymore Show as part of a greater hope to have more “tough conversations” on the program.
“Recently, I’ve opened up a subject that I said I wanted to speak about,” she said. “And this person who’s about to walk out [Falchuk] is actually tackling the subject with grace, a poetic insightfulness, and a tact that I think this subject needs.”
The Drew Barrymore Show airs weekdays on CBS.